it'ssnothingpersonal

Well it’s been a while since I’ve truly written, so here goes nothing. I’m officially at the darkest point of my life. I know nobody really reads these so I guess I feel safe just venting. Last night I almost gave up living entirely. Lately I feel like I don’t really know myself. The worst part is, I’m not sure I even want too anymore. I don’t want to give up, but I don’t even want to move forward. I’m trapped in a cage built by my past and my own mistakes and there is nothing I can do about it. And not a soul on this earth gives a shit. I’m indifferent to that part however. I’m not feeling this way for attention but simply because I’m lost and I don’t know how else to feel. The only reason I’m still here is because I would never want to hurt my mother and if anything happened to me it would break her heart. I stay strong for her because I love her, but I just wish I could say I live for other people too. But lately I find there’s nobody else who cares the way she does. My friends don’t text me, boys don’t like me, some of my own family members don’t even care. People in school just talk shit and call me emo or whatever other labels they have in their vernacular at the time. It’s like they have no empathy for me. They patronize what they don’t understand. (Not that I need or expect as much.) I guess that’s the sad reality. Yet I live on. I just pray I will find a purpose, and someone who can learn to see that some sad and broken still has something beautiful to give.